'Im ain ani li mi li?'

‘Been abused too’ posed a valid question-

 "Can a child molestor do teshuvah, and how should they do it?”

The truth is this question should not be coming from a victim, not from me or you, but from the molester himself. If a molester can own up to what he did, and take responsibility for what he did with sincere regret, he will do whatever it takes to do Teshuva. The Torah is complete and multi faceted. There is a solution for any issue that we have that is not a chiddush. Will he get Kapporah? We all know that comes from Hashem and is irrelevant and unknown to us.

And why wouldn’t it be the same 4 steps of Teshuvah like any other Avairah?

·         Vidui- to admit explicitly what they did and the irreparable damage that they caused

·         Charatah- can’t be alone needs some constructive action-of

·          Azivas hachait, this is an illness so they would need to GO FOR HELP (illnesses don’t cure themselves, ever!)

·          Kabalah al ha’asid—they should be afraid of themselves at what they could do and do whatever it takes for them to be in control of themselves. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of them anymore!

The question might be if from a psychological point of view they can become a non-molester. Research has show that a molester has to want to change and go to intense therapy for it like any other mental illness. The reality is that unstable people won’t help themselves precisely because of their instability.

But all this a distraction from the real issue at hand.

                The real Teshuva that has to be done to help correct the situation has to come from ourselves, regardless of whether they repent or not.

Pedophiles won’t own up to their actions, like any other ill mind. While some mentally ill people, look unwell and people know to stay away from them, a molester can look like any normal person and at the same time be very harmful to society. Coupled with the fact that the damage itself cannot be outwardly seen, this causes people to feel helpless; realizing that this is something that is very much out of their control, and cannot be prevented.

 It is an extremely disconcerting issue. Nobody likes to feel powerless over a harmful situation that affects them. And yes, the most we can do is give our kids the knowledge of what’s right and wrong behavior, and cannot change the wrong behavior that can be done. But should we take the approach of the ‘let’s close our eyes and nothing will happen’? We will ‘allow’ the molesters to do ‘Teshuvah’ and give them guidelines just how to, and then we, the community, will forgive them?

This sounds so virtuous, altruistic and Jewish! A chessed to help others that harmed us get better. In essence, it has nothing to do with Hashem or the laws He gave us to follow! There is nothing Jewish about this approach. It’s ludicrous!

We have no obligation to control other people’s actions but we are obligated to take care of ourselves.

 It is scary that we cannot prevent the harm, but that is also the reality. And accepting the situation is the only way it can be dealt with. No one else’s Teshuvah is in our hands, and is definitely not part of the solution to the molestation issue we are dealing with. It is time for us to do Teshuvah and handle this unfortunate situation correctly.

We have to educate and empower our children by giving them the knowledge about this terrible wrong. We need to give them the awareness so they will know to protect themselves. We have to keep them safe so that they will not become victims themselves.

That is where we are lacking. That is what we need to correct. That is Teshuvah!

Yiddishe people have no qualms talking to their children about robbers, even though it is an ‘avairah to steal’. What is this any different? We must protect ourselves from other’s wrongdoings even though they shouldn’t be doing them.

 I cannot prevent molesters from harming my children rachmanah litzlan, but I can educate my children about molestation awareness and appropriate behavior.

I also have my son lock his bike. He knows it is not in my power to stop someone from being a robber, yet that does not absolve us from taking as much precaution possible to keep it safe.

A bike gets only a lock, a house has an alarm system, what are we doing for the most precious and valuable thing we have, our children’s physical and emotional well being???