ARE THE MASSES ALWAYS
RIGHT?
The story of חנוכה
teaches us many important lessons. Some of them we can learn
from the תפילה of
על הנסים.
For example, if you are supposed to do
the right thing, then it doesn’t matter if most people don’t
agree with you. Yidden will do it anyways. Like we say, it was רבים
ביד מעטים. Or, when your principles are being
compromised then you need to fight to preserve them. Regardless of
the enemy’s strength or lack of yours. גבורים
ביד חלשים. And ultimately, the truth, no matter
how obscure it may seem, is what we stand for: רשעים
ביד צדיקים.
What if the odds are stacked against
you? If you are doing the will of ה',
then with His help, you will prevail. ואתה...
עמדת להם בעת צרתם.
Can we apply this lesson today? What
are you supposed to do when you are right, and people still condemn
you? Can one person’s opinion be valid, be אמת,
when so many others think otherwise?
I struggle with this a lot. As a victim
of abuse in the Frum community, there are pitifully few, if any, that
will listen to my story; validate the pain and anguish I suffer on a
very real level.
Time and again, I am told to get over
it already. I am told to be מוחל,
to forgive and forget and let bygones be bygones. I hear advice on
how to be דן
לכף זכות and to be מעביר
על מדותי. I am reproached about speaking
לשון
הרע, and cautioned of the עבירה
of bearing a grudge. I am warned about ruining someone’s
reputation should my story become public, and of the unforgivable sin
of a חילול
ה'.
The pressure and power they wield
against me is relentless. Their arguments are forceful. Their
grievances are strong and their words are accusatory. Are they right?
There are some supportive people, who
understand me. Alas, they are not Frum anymore. But I feel like I
don’t belong with them! Or do I?
The denial in the Frum community is so
so strong. I understand it. We are an עם
קדוש. We are a nation of ביישנים,
defined by our strict adherence to the laws and boundaries the תורה
commands us. Abusers don’t
represent us. But there is real abuse in our community. You can try
to deny an idea but a reality can’t be denied. I am real and my
pain is very real. I am living proof that abuse exists! Yet I am
being rejected by the people I love; the people who love me.
I can relate to the מכבים.
I can associate with the feeling of being outnumbered, and
overpowered. But do I have their hope and conviction to do stand up
for what’s right? I’m not sure. Is it fair that the battle that I
wage is against my own people?
I’m a lone fragile voice. And I’m
struggling. I’m calling “מי
לה'
אלי.”
Will anyone heed my cry?
I hear your plight and while I cannot dare to say I understand your pain, I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who was touched up regularly as a youngster by a few older boys, though I believe not forced or abused, I feel I can say the following.
The Torah puts great stress on how Teshuva can remove sin. If someone has done full Teshuva then, regardless of how heinous the crime was at the time, he or she is not guilty of sin anymore.
Obviously when the sin was against another person then Teshuva is dependant on asking forgiveness from that person and clearly those who abused you have not done that.
Also obvious is that if someone is a serial abuser or there is reason to believe that he or she will abuse again, then they have a din of a Rodef and regardless of Teshuva they need to be dealt with my the relevant authorities.
In my case and as someone who went through Yeshiva, I believe those who touched me up were simply sexually frustrated bochurim who would have never looked at a youngster had they been able to have a girlfriend. I don't believe they meant any abuse and don't believe they are any threat to anyone.
Obviously every case is different, but we have to remember that Teshuvah does exist in Judaism and that without giving the abuser the chance to explain and ask for forgiveness, we have no right to report every historic abuse to the authorities.
You are 100% right, Abuse does happen in our community. I'm a fellow victim (turned survivor) and really understand and feel for you.
ReplyDeleteI need a way to contact you. Whats your email address?
For now I am staying under the wraps. Feel free to write your opinions and advice as a comment to the blog.
DeleteI also meant to add:
ReplyDeleteVery eloquently put!
I will.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete