NEGIUS def. Turning highly intelligent people into brainless brick walls

Recently I had the opportunity to spend Shabbos with my family. As my fate has it, it is also the family of the one who abused me. Yup, I have been molested, again and again, by my very own brother. I don't believe the English language has words to describe the painful state of affairs involved in such a situation. Complicated? Complex? Way too trite. Unfortunate? Horrific? Sounds lame, at best. There is nothing that can do justice to describe the gut wrenching and crushing situation I find myself in. The least I can do is to dispel the myths associated with this situation.

• You can't be on both sides. This is actually is a myth inside a myth. Firstly, there are no two sides to the story. Period. Secondly, we may be two siblings, we share a family. We are two children, we share the same parents. One of us is horrifically wrong and one is horrifically punished for being right. By my family being there for both of us, they are siding with one person only, and that is the molester in the family.  
• Abusers aren't ‘otherwise ehrlich and healthy’. Someone who molests young kids repeatedly is incredibly sick. Even if his garb likens to that of a Rabbi. Even if he can expound on a deep Torah thought. And even if he can shuckle devoutly and appropriately by Shmoneh Esrei. Only if you would be comforted by a doctor saying “The patient is on a respirator and in a coma, but besides for that he is okay” can you feel confident with the description of someone that “molested his sister recurrently but Baruch Hashem he is fine now”. Both statements are equally nonsensical.
•  He will not ‘ruin the family reputation’ were they to demand of him to take responsibility for his actions. The family is ruining their own name by not mandating justice. True he shares the same surname as his parents and brothers, and that might feel like a reason to deny what he did in order to protect themselves. But make no mistake; he certainly does not have his family’s best interest in mind. He cares about one thing, like he always did, and that is to fulfill his corrupt and selfish needs and desires. Eventually he will spiral out of control and be exposed for his wrongdoings. And by then it will be too late. The family will be defined by and associated with him, because they did nothing to stand up against him.
•  The same manipulation he used on me to fulfill his sick perverted desires, he is using on the family to protect himself. Sometimes he will look real devout and talk of feelings of remorse, other times he will act out in rage. Sometimes he will point out how his wife and children will suffer, other times he will threaten to harm himself. The family can’t stand up to his manipulative behavior. They can’t see through his lies. They take him seriously, and fall for him every time.
•  I am not the one who is causing the family to suffer. I did not make the horrific mess, he did. He should be obligated to clean it up by owning up to his actions. It is not my responsibility to keep his secret, and when he is exposed, it is not I who caused harm to the family. He wreaked the havoc, not I. He is at fault; he is to blame. It has everything to do with him and nothing to do with me.

In closing, I’d like to end with one more myth.

• A person can only die once. Being the target for misplaced blame and anger; being falsely accused and invalidated by those nearest and dearest to you, will kill a human being again and again and again.