Let me preface this by saying that I am not an ardent political activist, nor am I much involved. I tend to pride myself as being a conservative, while the truth is I barely know much about conservatism or liberalism and what they both represent. I both appreciated the extra tax refund gotten a couple of years ago as part of some government initiative, and resented my insurance premiums going up due to ObamaCare. I also spent a large portion of my adult life living overseas so I did not have the ability to form an adult political viewpoint of my own. And it never bothered me.
That is until Trump decided to run for president. At first, I believed it to be a publicity stunt. He had no depth nor content. Instead he had a sharp answer, one that didn’t even answer the questions, or even portrayed logic. Statements not backed up by facts. 'Keeping people out of the country and having them pay for it'.Ludicrous. Irrational. Almost comical.
How can someone who says such stupid things get far? How can allegations be exposed, that would ruin anyone’s credence and credentials, be dismissed and overridden? How can someone who is so mean to others not be held responsible for his actions?
I did not dream it would happen. But he defied my wildest imagination. He became the Republican nominee. Through defamation. He decimated each candidate, one at a time, with his nicknames and untruths about them. Through intimidation. He manipulated conversations by not allowing them to be of substance. He made sure no one dared to contradict him by literally interrupting them and talking over them. Through fabrication. He said whatever was need to get to the end of the sentence, so long he got the last word.
He said illogical things, he acted immature, and contradicted himself again and again. And he was mean and fought low. Lower than anyone in such a distinguished position would ever go. And he defended his actions and reactions by portraying himself as having been forced to act like that. Certainly people would see straight through him and his farce.
But no! He had supporters, and defenders, and people that were willing to explain why everything he said and did was really right and just. It sounded wild, almost surreal, that someone like that would even have a fighting chance to run a country. Yet he was actually voted in! By millions and millions of people!
And to me, personally, it was living a nightmare all over again. I have lived and live through this crazy making experience again and again.
- Certainly the onus would be on me, were my brothers’ to be exposed and the family name defaced. The shame I would cause upon such a respected family in the communtiy. How would I dare?
- It would not be fair to my brothers’ families were it be that my brothers’ not be invited to a family gathering, would I want to be there. Self-understood, no? I mean what did they do wrong to suffer?
- As a family we may have handled the situation wrong. But now it is my obligation and opportunity to restore peace to the family.
- If my brother blatantly denied that he ever did something to me, then how could my father not believe him? Why would he lie? To his father?
- And as a mother, even if a son molested her daughter, she has an equal obligation to be there for him as well. He is still her son.
The logic displayed above is seen as misconstrued only by me. To my family, these are valid points; there is truth to this that there are two sides over here and it is not so simple. And I am only one and they and their supporters are many. At times of strength this feels infuriating, but most times, it simply feels disheartening.
When Trump became President I felt as if I was personally punched in the face. Not because I care about politics, because I don’t. But because deep down I believed that evil cannot succeed. I believed that pushing people down doesn’t lift you up. I always held unto the fact that manipulation and force won’t make you a winner. Ultimately it is the good and good people, that will triumph and succeed.
And I was proven wrong.
The highest position of power in the United States was achieved through bullying and manipulation. Through shaming and degradation. Through people supporting, rationalizing, accepting and defending such behavior. Even cheering him on!
This has been a crushing blow, a nightmare relived. Of a small child unprotected, unheard and unbelieved. Of someone being drowned out by the loudness and power of abusers, left to feel hopeless and helpless. That there is no way for me, and my reality, to ever have a voice.