Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Going off THE Derech-revisited. Is there really only one?

My son recently came home from school and told me a joke he heard that day. There were two Chassidish bochurim that made up between each other that they are going to ‘go off the derech’. They decided to meet at a bar that night. One of the boys came with his payos off, no Yarmulkah, and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. He was surprised to see his friend waiting there, dressed in his traditional Chassidish garb, langeh rekel and all.
“Didn’t we make up that we are becoming frei?” He asked his friend. ”Don’t worry, I’m with you in this.” his friend replied, “I have gum in my pocket…”

Now of course this is not a true story but it got me thinking. Ask any of our kids what is expected of them, and I’m sure they have been trained well enough to give the right answer. For the boys, well it would be, to be a ‘good boy’, get into a top Mesivta, marry a wonderful girl, and sit and learn “kol yemie chayav”. A girl would have to add that she is willing to support her husband, and take care of the kids, the house, the bills, and not disturb her husband for anything, so that he can learn b’menucha. These are indeed wonderful aspirations. But is this the only way we are teaching them that they could succeed?

As a side note, even though this is what is being preached in the finest Yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs with utmost sincerity, there is still a little hope that not everyone will follow this path, because they do need money too. But this will never be stated. We recently received a dinner journal from my husband’s alma mater, stating that one of the philanthropists of today, an alumni of the Yeshiva, has now become the ‘executive chairmen of the administrative committee’. I gave a small chuckle. My husband remembers when he was bounced out of the place; the successful business he now runs was started in the Yeshiva’s dorm. I’m sure the Yeshiva didn’t want to be associated with him then. Fast forward twenty years. Now he is one of the ‘Yeshiva’s alumni’ that they pride themselves by. But I digress.

Shlomo Hamelech, the smartest of all men, said ‘Chanoch L’na’ar Al Pi Darko’. This is from one of the most well quoted verses, but I believe it begs a question. Shouldn’t he have said 'Chanoch L’na’ar Al Pi Haderech’? Educate your child on the path, the path to Nitzchius? Could he be insinuating that there is actually more than one path that the Aibeshter agrees to? If so, why is it that it seems that society is so judgmental of people not following ‘the script’? Maybe they are following the path suited for them. Not every child needs to be the community’s idea of the ‘perfect catch’, and not every child is meant to. As Shlomo Hamelech said, there are many ways to serve Hashem. Perhaps it is our job to start believing just that.

If a boy wishes to wear different clothes colors or Yarmulka fabrics and sizes, it doesn’t mean he has been baptized. If a girl wants to wear nail polish, she did not necessarily become a hooker. A child with an appreciation for more upbeat music, doesn’t mean he will be a DJ in a night club. And getting a job that requires Internet access doesn’t translate into watching pornography.

It can, however.

If we erroneously stress the ‘one path’, the only Derech, we are in essence forcing our children to make choices they never intended to make. ‘Echad Hamarbeh V’Echad Hamamit.’ Perhaps we should start letting our children be, really be, who they are meant to. And let us see their needs and desires as something real. Let’s allow them to find their own individuality without having to throw everything away. Because sometimes, all they really want is, indeed, only a stick of gum.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Palindrome of the Victim




Child Abused


Relax can't Worry
He Promises,
Feeling Good. 
Others 
Fulfilled Enjoyment.
Although, 
Pleasure is Nothing
Heart is Pieces Crushed
Gone forever Innocence
Life Altering
Forever.

Forever
Altering Life
Innocence forever Gone
Crushed Pieces is Heart 
Nothing is Pleasure
Although,
Enjoyment fulfilled
Others.
Good Feeling
Promises he.
Worry, can't Relax.                                                              

Abused Child

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